At the beginning there was loneliness...

For long years till I was 25-years-old I did not want to meet people. I felt different like a stranger with who people are curious and who disgust them. For the same reason I could not imagine that I would go outside my home on my wheel-chair. I thought it was a curse that I should hide and be ashamed of. I remember that when I was 15-years-old my cousin Jurek took me for a walk and I applied the breaks so much that the wheels did not move. I felt humilated if I were naked. After several dozen of metres Jurek gave up...

In those days my only companion was science. This is because the most important for me is not to waste my life. I do not want it to go by with no good trace left by me.
From that period of time I especially appreciate correspondence with the chief of the Institute of Physics of the Technical Military Academy. He even invited me to an international scientific conference in Jurata. It was a very precious proposal because I could meet there great scientists I could also have a one-week rest in an elitist holiday resort by the sea. Unfortunately I had to resign the invitation as I did not know anyone who could go and take care about me...

It was the feeling of loneliness that was nagging me the most since the biggest tragedy of being handicapped is not the disability itself but the loneliness... It was difficult for me to believe that I would find friendship because in our society relations with a drunkard, a brute, an egoist... are more normal than with a handicapped boy... Not everyone realizes that sometimes moral or ethical disability though hidden can be more serious than the physical one. The latter one is particularly visible so I was afraid of lack of acceptance and rejection.

There are times when we need solitude...
But even in the most beautiful place we can be completely happy if we do not have with whom to share this beauty?
Solitude can also be with another man, when the stranger turns out this "mysterious world", which is every one of us ... Only time lived together, you find out how much time we do not feel lonely. Thereupon, if such person next to us, that such a walk is no longer just a lonely journey, but it is happiness, which is based on sympathy.

This alienation caused that for many years I had lived like in a golden cage -safely, comfortably, in Mummy and Daddy`s care. But in fact my life was passing me by and I had been standing in one place - on the bank only scrutinizing... Now I have no doubts that the most limitations were the lack of Faith, Hope and Love... And I know as much I manage to conquer myself as I can sail onto deep waters for what Jesus exhorts us (L 5,4))

Sometimes it is the fear of some potential danger that does not even let try... Still it is enough to believe that Jesus does not tell us to set sail for the depth to expose us to some damage but to unfurl our sails so that the Holy Spirit can breath into us! It is not sufficient to sail only for some safe and familiar lake because that way we significantly limit the possibility of Providence that shapes together with us all our lives.

Such a diffcult chalenges are for me a kind of exams of maturity. I think that with these exams God checkes my preparation to go further because He gives His Grace only when I am ready to accept It and not to waste It.

So I do not want to stay but I want to discover my way that states the price of my life and that leads me to my destination. It is just a self- consciousness that demands something more than just vegetation. The only remed for such emptiness is stating aims that we are going to achieve but we should be aware that no material aim assures us eternal happiness. It can be just the next stage of shaping our lives and personalities. It is common that satisfaction from achieving every material aim does not last for a long time because what we achieved becomes past and the sense and aim of life can be searched only in the future. However the future is shaped by every little while which is used porperly (or wasted) - Here and Now.